Tuesday, February 14, 2006

A li'l Valentine's conversation

SP: What are you doing here?

C: Move it, you’re in my way!

SP: Wow, I thought you’d be nicer. How can I be in YOUR way? YOU’RE the one crowding me! Do you have to be perched so close to my chair? I’m trying to work here!

C: [Rolls eyes. Sighs.] Mortals.

SP: Look, mister, I don’t who you’re calling “mortal.” I’ll have you know that may nickname since high school has been “Goddess.”

C: And who gave you that nickname?

SP: I hardly think that’s important, shees.

C: You gave it to yourself, didn’t you?

SP: I really can’t remember. Anyway, Goddess here would like you to go away, please. I’m busy.

C: Well, Goddess, I’m not going away. I’ve got a job to do, too, you know.

SP: And what’s that?

C: [Motions to arrow.] Ahem.

SP: What me? With whom? [Pauses, eyes narrow.] Wait a second, I saw Love Potion No. 9 and if you think I’m going to take that arrow—I know it was a potion in that movie, but what does Hollywood know, real…

C: That movie was about scientists making the potion. Mortal scientists.

SP: OOOOH, you’re soooo eternal. You’ve been aliiiiive for like 5,000 yeeeeeaaaars and will be for thousands mooore.

C: I’m actually older than the Earth. And no, no plans to die.

SP: Right. You’re actually about 5 minutes old. As long as I’ve been daydreaming here—don’t smirk! Anyway, if you think I’m going to take that arrow and just fall in love with the next person I see I’ve got to tell you that the next person I’ll see is the 38 year old at the next cubicle. The 38 year old who goes to medieval festivals, doesn’t cut his fingernails, and has a deep and abiding love for his pet rats. I’m fine right here, thanks.

C: So you’ll just choose?

SP: I’ll choose to be no closer to that dude than I have to be.

C: I can’t say that I blame you. He’s not on the docket for another 3 years anyway.

SP: Let me guess. Mail order?

C: Renaissance Festival.

SP: Right, right. With the big-busted wench in the beer garden no doubt. Grode.

C: It’s not always an easy job…

SP: And for me your job is going to be right now? Here at my desk?

C: If you’d zip it, yes.

SP: Well, thanks for the warning, guy! I would have worn my special jeans! The new ones that make me want to do myself!

C: That’s kinda not what it’s about, Goddess.

SP: Fine. But I’ve kinda been waiting a long time for this an…

C: No you haven’t.

SP: What do you mean, No I haven’t? I’m over 30.

C: You’re 31. Relax. That guy’s gonna be 41 before he meets the beer wench. Good call, by the way.

SP: Thanks. I’m like really good at reading other people.

C: Well, you’re flattered easily, that’s for sure.

SP: Thanks! [Pause.] Hey, wait a second! You said I haven’t been waiting a long time. I contest!

C: Of course you do. You always do.

SP: Huh?

C: You always think you want it and are ready for it, but really that’s just the internalization of the love-kooky hearts-and-flowers culture in which you live.

SP: Right, I dated women for 6 years because I internalized the “marriage is between one man and one woman” culture in which I live. [Thinks for a second.] And isn’t love-kooky hearts-and-flowers kind of your bread and butter? You might not want to knock it, pal.

C: Don’t get me started on the pain it is to be misunderstood.

SP: Surely you must have gotten over it by now, lo these many millennia.

C: It only chafes sometimes. And don’t call me Shirley.

SP: [Smiling approvingly.] Well let’s abandon the I-always-contest ship, too, then and get with the me-falling-in-love part.

C: Right-o. Wait--what's with the frown?

SP: Nothing. I mean, I know you’re a professional and all, so please don’t be offended or think that I doubt your abilities, but do you have good taste? Do you know what I like in a mate?

C: I don’t call the shots here, you do.

SP: Okay! I like tall, athletic, supersmart, superfunny, superhandsome, supercaring, superunderstanding, superbrave…

C: That’s, uh, super and all, but it’s not really what I see.

SP: So you see who it is and I have to guess what you see and when I get it right it works?

C: No.

SP: What then, mysteryo?

C: He may be super in one or two ways but certainly not in every single way possible.

SP: Fair enough.

C: So, try again.

SP: I thought this wasn’t a guessing game!

C: I think you know the answer. Let’s have it.

SP: [Pauses.] I guess just someone who loves me.

C: [Smiling, raises arrow, takes aim.] Bull’s eye.


Blogger Suie said...

Awesome. Perfect.

And I love embedded Airplane references.

6:09 AM  
Anonymous shanni said...

I love embedded airplane references too. Very good conversation with yourself. A "come to jesus" of sorts. Always of fan of those.

2:47 PM  

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