Monday, December 11, 2006

The Starpower Times' Local Dispatch from Virginie Correspondent (a.k.a my dad)

(Lexington) In a sudden and unexpected announcement, M.L.Smith,
proprietor of Chimney Springs Sporting Ventures LLC, today imposed an emergency suspension of esthetic principles in the management of his renowned trout fishery at 2 Mountain View Lane.

"It was not an easy or pleasant decision," Smith noted. "But it forced my hand."

The "it" in question is a juvenile great blue heron that Smith
alleges has been depredating his recently stocked brook trout.

"Oh, there's no 'alleged' about it, Bub," Smith emphasized to reporters. "It's down there, hanging out in the shallows, right where the spring comes in and right where the brook trout are -- that's it, that's Strike Three in my books!"

In order to dissuade potential heron predation, Smith rigged a
series of twine barriers across the shallows, thereby preventing large wading birds -- such as the heron -- from alighting.

"Yeah, it's ugly as all get out," said Smith's "land manager," who asked not to be identified by name. "But this here's Rockbridge County, so that don't matter none. Heck fire, I could string him some nice Christmas lights there along that twine, too, if his missus would let him -- and wouldn't take 'em down neither til summer or whenever them bulbs burnt out. But that light might bother them trout, you know."

Smith offered apologies to prospective anglers for any possible
casting inconvenience or the prospect of a displeasing vista, and hastened to assure them the situation was only temporary.

"We are confident this is only a brief phase, and that soon the new trout will be of sufficient size to reduce their exposure to predation."

When questioned by local environmentalists about the legality of the apparatus, Smith bristled: "I spent my entire career in furtherance of conservation laws! And I salute the dedicated men and women who diligently administer the Migratory Bird Treaty Act."

"Yeah, what he said," echoed Smith's land manager, "but this here's
a livestock issue."


Post a Comment

<< Home