Saturday, January 07, 2006

Basic Cable Movie Review #1: White Chicks

"Don't hate me because you ain't me" is only one of a gajillion super funny things about the movie-that's-been-out-since-2004-
White Chicks.

This little gem comes to us from the genius comedic minds of the Wayans brothers and let me tell you, this shit is FUNNY. If I weren't laid up with a cold on a Friday night would I have been at home watching TV or at the tapas place with my friends about a mile from my house? Well, obviously I'd be enjoying a cheese plate among my pals and possibly even sipping some sangria (though I've kind of been on the outs with ye olde alcohol since new year's) , but Fate swept in, insisting that illness stayed with me beyond the bounds of the work week and into the weekend proper. I normally loathe such evil antics but this time, friends--despite my attempts to rest and drink OJ and take homeopathic remedies and Western medicines alike--the illness keeping its stronghold* was a good thing. You see, it brought me White Chicks. Let's go through a little checklist and see how well it did:

1. Requires MASSIVE suspension of disbelief? You bet! To think that every single person who saw man-sized Shawn and Marlon dressed as the petite hotel heiress Wilson twins thought that they were in fact the Wilson twins AND to think that Shawn and Marlon didn't make the most disturbing-looking pair of white girls ever AND to think that no one in the movie thought that they looked disturbing, but in fact wanted to get with their fine white asses? Well, suspend away, folks, because it's worth it.

2. Involves two officers of the law who can't get a break from their chief? That's right! Shawn and Marlon play FBI agents who just can't get a fair shot--especially not with that pesky other pair of agents who get all the breaks.

3. Get one teensy break from their chief and mess it up and a bunch of wacky hijinks ensues to cover it up? I mean, all they had to do was pick up the Wilson twins from the airport. Easy, right? Especially for two great-yet-unproven-agents as Kevin (Shawn, aka the cuter one) and Marcus (Marlon, aka cute until you see Shawn)? It should be and would have been had those actual white chicks been reasonable. But they weren't. They were being spoiled like general audiences assume rich hotel heiresses to be (it's sad how misunderstood we are) and refused to go to the Hamptons for the weekend like they were supposed to. Soooooo, not wanting to be seen as failing a simple task, guess who goes in the twins' place? You guessed it!

4. While undercover, find clues to the mystery just by being in the right place at the right time? Indeed. In spades. They practically crack the case in one vomit session.

5. Includes scenes involving humor too low for Starpower to enjoy, causing her to shut her eyes in disgust? Several times. So nasty. The movie gets 1/2 a demerit for that. It would get discredited more but the rest of it is so hilarious.

6. Contains dance scenes? I just can't ruin this part.

7. Uses cruelty to animals as a plot device and for humor? Totally.

8. Involves an oversimplified love story as a side plot, complete with its own hijinks and usage of lies and deceipt to get to a woman's heart and when the lies and deceipt are revealed to the woman, he still wins her over?
Yes!!! And the lies and deceipt are HUGE! But it's Shawn Wayans and he smiles all cute and you can just tell that he means well. Plus, he does something to make up for it. Something in addition to coming clean, that is (once he's already been busted, that is).

9. Agents get busted by chief, get fired by chief, and through conviction to solve case and salvage careers, save the day? What do you think?

10. Reasons to watch the movie: Well, if I hadn't already made the case for watching it crystal clear (and/or ruined the whole movie for you), there are even more reasons why you should watch White Chicks. Seeing black men talk like white chicks. Seeing white chicks talk like white chicks. Latrell. All scenes involving the Vanessa Carlton song. Jennifer Carpenter who also plays Emily Rose in the Exorcism of...she shines in the dressing room scene. Plus she's from Louisville, KY where my mom's from and went to Sacred Heart Academy for high school--where my mom went. Hmm, I guess that's not really a selling point to get you to watch the movie but the dressing room scene should be.

If I had a talk show, I'd dedicate an episode to interviewing all the Wayans involved in this masterpiece, all of the white chicks, and their little dog, too. And you'd each find a copy of the White Chicks DVD under your chairs.

*"the illness keeping its stronghold" is perhaps a little dramatic. I mean, it's a cold, not cancer. What kind of a baby am I?


Blogger newyorquina said...

It's like Beverly Hills Cop, but better!

6:42 AM  
Blogger Madelyn said...

but is it Smith movie funny?

6:49 AM  
Blogger Suie said...

Really? White Chicks?

6:35 AM  

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