Friday, August 18, 2006

Hi, I’m the Joneses.

Be it far from me to EVER brag about myself, but I have noticed something recently that—though others may not know it—casts me in a fabulous light. A trendsetter, if you will. A Grassroots Fitness Movement Maven, if you also will.

It all started out simply enough; yet another attempt to shut my damn dogs up when I walk them in the park. I thought [hmm]:

  1. The Dog Whisperer says exercise is the most important thing for dogs
  2. He also says to distract them when they’re about to do something you don’t like, like barking at other, far more well-behaved dogs with owners who think you--or at least your dogs--suck

I thought some more [hmm. hmm.]:

What can I do to distract and exercise my dogs? Then it hit me: run them instead of walk them! So, mid-walk one evening, I started to run and, attached to me by leashes, they had no choice but to follow. Heh.

So we’d run. Did I look like a jackass running in heels and a dress? Totally, but in sort of a dog show kind of way. Did they (and “they” is usually just Mr. Shortpants) stop barking as they ran past other dogs? Totally not. But we passed them faster, so the offense was minimized. Yes! Did my ankles and knees benefit from this running-in-heels-at-worst-but-still-supportless-flip-flops-at-best? Nope. So I adjusted. I switched the running to the morning with full running gear on. We go a little farther every morning (by like two feet, but that’s a lot for dogs with legs 4 inches high).

Aaanyway, since implementing our new little exercise/shut-the-hell-up-already regimen, I’ve noticed my neighbors have begun to do so as well. People who used to hardly even walk their dogs so much as stand in one place for minutes on end now come out with sweats and running shoes and take their pooches for a little trek down the bike path JUST LIKE ME.

It’s heartening to realize that this whole time I thought they couldn’t stand me they were actually just waiting for a way to emulate me.

Sigh. I am really the fucking best.


Blogger Madelyn said...

Ha! So as your neighbors run along, they are LITERALLY trying to keep up with the Joneses!

9:31 AM  
Blogger haricarey said...

Hah! I have recently become super smitten with lil' Cesar Millan, myself (borrowed my ma's book, now completely jonesing to watch the DVDs), and have taken up the morning walk/run routine as a means of tiring out/showing who's boss (me, dammit, me!) to good ol' Bessie, and I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL IT'S WORKING!! Holy shit. She hasn't begged for food in three days (I feed her as the DW suggests--after her morning exercise), with only one slight situation involving a roast chicken pulled to the kitchen floor (which in Bessie's defense had been left unattended and surrounded by a bevy of Zankou treats beckoning her back to her garbarge grubbing ways, natch), she doesn't jump all over me like a crazed mental patient as soon as I walk through the door, and she seems rather intent to simply lie next to my side of the bed for hours at a time like an exhausted little canine ANGEL. She also hasn't humped me or Jonah once.

That dog whisperer. He's one adorable genius.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous sara said...

I broke charlie of this barking thing by praising him when we were far away (before he started barking) and then gradually we got closer and closer always praising him and giving him a treat when we got by successfully. Its not the dog whisperer way, but I do make that cool little noise of his when Charlie is doing something wrong....

6:00 AM  

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